Category Archives: Getting to Me

A Better Fit

Ya know that feeling when something just no longer feels right.  While it has been a part of you for quite some time, suddenly, it no longer seems appropriate?  Me too.  I just ditched my blog NJ Divorce Mom.

Now, if you are in the biz of blogging and know my writing, well you probably think I am absolutely nuts. That blog had some moxy too it after a nice long three year run with nothing but authentic writing about my crazy life. It had over 30,000 page views, ranked on the first page of Google for my top keywords.

For a few months now the title no longer felt right.  Sure, I technically am a divorced mom living in NJ.  It didn’t hit me all at once, but started as a thought “do I really want to be associated with that title?”  When something doesn’t feel right in your life, you may ignore the signs hoping to stay connected to this thing you know, that feels safe, which is common and standard in your life.  I did.  But then I started to really question and used the following to get through it…

  1. Acknowledge it no longer feels right.  And it really has not for quite some time.  The blog was created for a former employer who needed a companion property to link back and forth with to attract the Google spiders.  He was a divorce attorney, I was a divorce mom – the blog was a natural fit.   But in just a few short months I won’t be NJ Divorce Mom anymore (read between the lines as you will on that one – I’m not saying anything right now), and so it was time to start writing in a different space.
  2. Trust your gut.  For quite some time my gut has been telling me to make a change.  Articles have popped up about getting away from the platform the blog sits on, and my gut told me to change.  So I did.
  3. Know that if you follow the path, greater things will happen.  Once I realized I no longer wanted that space, ideas started flowing for something else I could develop.  And here I sit writing on my new blog, My Steps in Time.  The title is a perfect fit for where I am now and the title versatile enough with many meanings.
  4. Release the attachment to the thing:  As it turns out, I’m not NJ Divorce Mom, I’m just Jen (Dr. Jen to some).  And to label me with the term divorce, well, it just wasn’t the right fit.
  5. Come up with something better.  If you are meant to develop something else, it will come to you…you will find an even better it.
  6. Part with peace and acknowledge the good ride you had.  I am forever grateful to NJ Divorce Mom.  It was a place for me to hone my craft of writing, was acknowledged


This Gemini in a Relationship

Samantha Lang in Women, April 8, 2015

I have heard I am intimidating 1000 times.

But ya know what?  Underneath the intimidating exterior is a vulnerability only a few chosen are allowed to see.

I want to be pushed an challenged, called on my shit.  Those closest believe this and also know how to do it without squashing my ego.  I want to be challenged and pushed.

I don’t need anyone.  I want others in my life.  I am building an empire,

Chivalry is not dead.  BUT, I do not need you to act that way.  You should want to.  You should know wh

I have friends, hobbies, passions, dreams.  You are not my babysitter and do not need to act like Julie the cruise director.

You are not my babysitter.  You are my partner in crime.

Clyde didn’t have to drag Bonnie around – she showed up and drove every now and again.

Since I do not “need” you you may think I do not want you…nothing could be farther from the truth.  As my dear sister says, you are my “person” and that fact should speak volumes.  I want to be with you, I do not need to be and I’m certainly not sticking around until the next person comes along.

You just know when you have to step back and step in.  Unfortunately, if you step the wrong way I will step on your toes – I’m not saying this is a delicate dance – it is not easy.

successful, charasmatic, articulate, cultured, hilarious, athletic, compassionate, independent.  Empire builder by day – and at night I just want to rest in your arms and feel protected from it all.

Intelligent – Ok, so I’ve got that…but not really. You hear PhD and usually hibernate in your own crap because you didn’t go to college or feel inferior to my intelligence.  Truth be told, I am pretty smart, but any academic achievements that hang on my wall have been earned with blood, sweat, and an abundance of tears.  I’m dyslexic to the point of distraction and embarrassment.

Be confident enough to open my car door, because, while you are aware I can do it myself, you know I want it done for me.

While Ms. Independent is my outward appearance, I still have feelings and fairy tale dreams.


I grab life by the horns…the brass ring on the carousel.  And I turn around and ask you “why don’t you?”

I crave silence and downtime…alone…in my cave.  Usually with my computer which I know you do not understand.